Ilooked at her. "How much of you is the same as before? How much have youchanged?" I don't know. It's hard to say. In many ways I still feel the samep...rson that I have always been, but then I eat a food or I listen to asong and I find out that things about me are entirely different.Sometimes, I fight. I pretend to dislike the things I did not like beforeI changed. But it is a lie. My head does not believe it no matter howmuch I try to think negatively." So last night..." I started. She looked. Then nothing again.I was used to this kind of controlled tease, after all I was in no position to do anything. The thumb rested on my bottom lip again, waiting, teasing and then without warning as the hand gripped my mouth and pulled down, every last inch was quickly pushed in. When it happens that fast it’s hard to adjust, but we all know that’s the point now, don’t we! This is the point you brace yourself and expect things to go fast. But not this Sunday morning, he didn’t move. What felt. I think it was a spare mooring line for the boat, thirty feet of autoerotic asphyxiation bliss. Tying a hangman’s noose, I’d throw the other end of the rope up and over one of the ceiling joists. Then setting a short footstool beneath the noose, I’d tie a small knot at the other end of the rope, one just big enough to keep my hands from slipping off, then I’d step off the footstool to hang.Sadly, the brief summer months spent at the cabin were the only time I could explore my autoerotic. "We're going to be okay," I said.She nodded, lifting herself to accommodate me as I entered her.She rode me slowly, listening carefully for the sound of Agatha coming back up the drive. We knew that we had minutes. It was what we had been living for all these months and we learned to take them when we could.The rhythm of our love-making increased, replacing Kat's shuddering sobs with waves of gyrating pleasure until, "Fuck," Kat said.She paused for a moment against my heaving chest, looked me.
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